One day this little girl picked up a recorder in school…and became mesmerized by sounds and the things music notes could do , being so intrigued by what she heard …she picked up the clarinet and discovered a new passion …. it was here ..that art became her life …..that little girl used to sing and perform in plays …even when she felt nobody came to see her ….it was her teachers …that inspired …. and one day …that same little girl …grew up …and it was when she heard the words “Baby you’re a rich man” is where she discovered she loved this called Hip Hop more than anything ….
But this girl has grown up ..she has become encouraging , super strong; building her life around being “DOPE” that she at one time had refused to be called anything else. ….but lately …this girl …has been broken….
Not because she is scared or because she wants attention ….this girl has been breaking not only because she wants to but to be honest….she HAS to ….
See I’m that girl ….and I have realized that I have created an image of myself ..without really caring about myself….and one way I have to do that is to be honest … no this is not a “My Truth” blog like the video’s you see on YouTube ..this is about me being brave enough to Break in front of the world.
Now, as strong as I am , I have to be honest …it was so many things that aided in giving me the strength I have now….and I became the “positive image” person , being a”light” ins everyone’s lives and always encouraging others to practice self-care and follow their dreams…but truth is i started to realize that nobody did that for me and I was proud of myself for always being there for me.
I’ve studied the “Secret” , Chakras, I have a clear understanding of how the mind works, feelings and emotions, positive vibes .. all of it , and yes I know the words of prayer ..but I am also a human being … with the biggest heart you’ll ever run across … and I love everyone …which is how I started writing , not only because of a suggestion to start a blog but for way for people to hear my voice . I spent years becoming a peaceful , positive person …and I had it down pack ….but I was covering up …for things….that I didn’t want to address….things that people still don’t know … and will know by a need to know basis …..but after perfecting something for so long … I realized that I had missed something…
Being honest … and on my quest to become this great woman I strive for and to be the great image that the world doesn’t have yet …. it was the start of this journey …when I first started working on my book…when I was under the impression that everything I was writing was putting it all out there…. that it was the final leg up I need it ..well I was wrong …because one thing I have always stressed onto other artist …is that we have to be transparent….and I’ve always said I wanted to be transparent through the process because no one has ever done that…..
And that’s when the breaking started…and the materialistic break came first , I’ve shared the story of me losing my job and having no place to live…..but that was just minor for what was to come next…
My emotions had to broken…..my face had to fall off… and im not talking about the one with the makeup …I’m talking about the one we ALL wear …hiding behind who we are ..
See I learned me inside and out and nobody can tell me anything about myself that I don’t already know…however , what I was forgetting is about my emotions, because for so long I was under the impression that it was weak to show them…it’s what I was taught ..its what we all are taught..
And im a poet ..in which “we write down our emotions because we don’t know how to show them”..( word to Madame; google her if you don’t know who she is )
However, I figured out that I was making the same mistakes over and over again with my relationships ( men and friends) and it was because I would never identify or express about how I felt or anything . I hid everything and made work and my dreams the primary focus of my LIFE ..it was so bad that I became so much that I didn’t have time for a personal life ( I mean I’ve never even taken a day off, can’t tell you the last time i actually relaxed) …because I didn’t want to and it meant I had to use an emotion and I didn’t want to…
But that’s not the image I wanted for myself..that was not who I have been praying to be..but I had become so embedded in what I had created that people to this day expect me to be non emotional, positive, encouraging , a great listener …etc…I had messed around and created something for the world to see ..but it wasnt the complete truth…it wasnt complete authenticity…
And the worst part is …because of what I had done..no one listens to me ..when I’m trying to express the truth…nor do they accept me for being me…not one friend do I have can honestly say they know me ..because it’s so much they don’t know ..and so much I haven’t told them….and that’s okay .
Majority of them don’t support me anyway …. or never even told me thank you ; that’s the other thing…when you are Strong Friend….the friends..need you but don’t have your back at all…..they don’t even call you to check on you …
Fact: I built my brand, this blog from the ground up and have been looking for a graphic designer and I have attempted to partner with friends….they are SILENT in the process..or have supported anything I’ve done. And when they call me they throw it in my face…..( not calling no names out…no free promotion -word to Teyana Taylor)
I’ve accepted its apart of the process because everyone will only tell you what they need to do for themselves, they will only tell you what they want you to hear ..but all of them are hiding behind walls …while im choosing to break …because im done hiding …
I haven’t been myself in almost a year and a half….and I’m not going to “Get back to me” no I went to get ME and bring her along ….so the only thing I’m pressed for is for my AUTHENTICITY ! and I used to be so scared to be that and to express that , and as crazy as that sounds coming from the girl who wears what she wants , loves change and is completely comfortable in her own skin…now is on her journey to freedom…and finally learning to experience happiness and also learn to be happy.
And I’m going to do it in front of the world….
By showing everyone how I’m making it through ..and not hiding it anymore …
Because I have learned to talk …..without fear ..
My Life : My Album..
people don’t really know who I am …but they will soon find out
P.S. this my album and sometimes its not going to be what you want to hear , but its always going to be a vibe. And if you choose to be apart of this project you have to be able to listen to every song. —