I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately, as it conerns myself personally. Lately, I had noticed that familar ” why are you single” question was no longer being asked because the answer to that question had been pre determined a long time ago.
*Answer for Background purposes* “I never really felt single because I always had a group of guys ( friends) that always made me feel complete”; and I remember when I was in a relationship or talking to someone…often times I would forget I was because I was focused on myself. Now, to avoid being mis interpreted hear me out: I like being in a relationship but I always felt like something was missing or when someone new would come along I would pay that more attention” . Then coming from experience of being in a toxic relationship taught me alot. ( I say toxic, because there are no “bad” relationships” just toxic ones we learned/or need to learn from).
I had been really thinking on why I really paid no attention to any guy that likes me….I mean truthfully if there was a guy that was around that liked me RIGHT NOW I would have NO idea. Literally, like ..he probably has told me but that belief is slim to none and I may have a had a crush but I could honestly say it probably faded and thats even if they have one on me. Why? because I’m in a struggle right now and until I get myself together theres honestly no need for me to entertain a guy.
DISLCLAIMER :*I’m one of those women…well..you know we say that a woman should hold a man down during his struggle, be there for him mentally, physically, financially etc. Well I’m the woman who has to hold a man down and when I’m unable to I refrain from entertaining him. Seriously, because right now I can only be there for a guy mentally because of this struggle. And that bothers me. *
But here’s the main course of this whole thing..because I kept getting the whole “when everything starts to come together all things come full circle”. Well thats currently the opposite and then there was what makes you happy?
Now, here we go.
ANSWER: HIP HOP! …Hip Hop makes me happy, its the thing that has been there for me my entire life no matter what has happened in my life. Like I’m an ACTual “Sidney Shaw” (Brown Sugar, movie) because I genuially love hip hip with my heart and soul. I mean its always been there whether I was in a struggle or on a come up. Its been everything to me because it was there when I need a friend or when I felt lonely..( even now and meaning like I’m in something totally on my own). Hip Hop has supported me because whenver I wanted to write there was a song that helped inspired the words I wanted to get out. Whenever, I wanted to express how I felt about a guy or something that was going on in my life I could find a track that was perfect. I mean gratned I’m a lover of MUSIC in general but its my muse.
**You know like Lauryn said in my favorite track “Superstar” “Come on baby, light my fire, everything you drop is so tired, hip hop is suppose to inspire; so how come we aint getting no higher”**
And I have been waiting on it in a man. I want to have guy that treats me like hip hop, one that never lets me down no matter because I’ll never expect it to, regardless of what it may look like. That I have been leaving guys alone and really just inspiring their best albums ( dreams) to happen because nobody has dropped projects ( been around) that I want to consistently hear. No classic albums have been made yet ( one that will forever be a keeper to me, you know like that album you want to have on repeat and defintely know the words to).
Yea that. I want that. Always putting on a great show, supportive of my work , having all my articles, blogs, books, poems etc. Mad love for his people, doing what he can for his people through his art, being at speaking engagements. I need that lol. Hip hop changed the world but with so much passion and drive all while fasinating the heck out of me.
See that’s what I would love to have. Somebody who is simply fascinating, knowing that the money comes with the art but that they are more concerned with the world but being real and honest.
This is why I love Kendrick Lamar <———-GREAT example of what kind of man I would love to have. ( Just look and observe him and the amount of things he has accomplished by being himself, having a heart for his city and the people and HE LOWKEY lol. )
I mean I totally understand that women are no where near allowed to “see” who their mates are because God designed it for it be that way for me. Why? because they are the leaders, our Kings so they are given the chance to know how they “rib” of them should look and feel. Where as women are job is to simply get our lives together, focus on ourselves doing great things so that when we are given our Kings the transition from Princess to Queen is a smooth one. ( but that’s another blog).
But yeah currently this is the perfect way to descibe me right now…I’m basically in a room filled with record players with the vinyl spinning on each one and I’m listening to all of them at the same time. And I’m simply waiting to hear a lyrical genius with dope beats and who is so ILL that I have to rewind the track just to be like “did he just say that?!”. I’m just waiting and listening for that perfect lyric over a type beat.
You know Jason’s Lyric and one cool a** Joans….lol