Someone recently told me that they would tell Oprah “how I got a phone call that would change my life” and I had to stop because I had a phone interview. My reply was Oprah, would be on my show when that conversation happened but also it was I would let them know when I receive that call because I still haven’t gotten it yet. …
But I have gotten all the emails and phone calls I didn’t want…..
I’ve been 30 for 3 days now and I can say that the journey here was interesting, it opened my eyes to a lot more to the world, especially to people. However, my mind has been fixated on the fact that I had so many goals that I wanted to happen by the time I got to this age….so many things I know I tried my best to accomplish and nothing.
As a free spirit, entrepreneur and especially as an artists..sometimes you can feel like you are simply a total failure and that all of your enemies may have been right all along. I havent’ got a friend in this world…..I couldn’t tell you the last time that I didn’t feel alone…
There are some opportunities I’ve received but don’t want to mention because I never know how things may turn out for me……but I can tell you how it will turn out for others
Somebody asked me what did I want my birthday my reply was love, freedom, peace, happiness…..I mean sure there were material things listed but those were the biggies. Figured I’d ask for things I’ve never had.
The quote from the Yogi Tea above says “Mental Happiness is total relaxation” I think for me it should say “Total happiness is complete mental relaxation”….because mentally I am happy..just anable to relax AT ALL especially in my living situation ( it doesn’t allow space to )…
People always say to me “ I bet once you get out of that house, you will take off and just soar..you’ll be unstoppable”….that’s just what people don’t understand is I have been trying for a YEAR now to get out….like ..is anyone else getting that? or is everyone just talking to hear themselves speak?
You would think I’m heartbroken…I am not…if anything I simply would like the love I put out returned to me. See I don’t get to cry, show any emotions or even be sad…I have to stay stong…because my own eyes are on me. And the one thing I don’t want to see ..is myself defeated in front of me.
I don’t know if I’ll even get to say “back then” or I remember when” …all I can tell you is that the NOW seems like its been here forever….See I’ve never been handed anything…I’ve always had to work for it….and one of the reasons is because I was taught that
“nobody, was going to give me anything” that everything had to be earned.
Needless to say I have spent a lot of years earning, but the things I figured I deserved I still had to earn and that included love, peace, happiness, freedom. See all of those I have tried to earn as well because again I was taught “nobody, was going to give me anything”.
Even life, now that was given but in order to keep it I was taught that I had to earn my right to be here.
See I think its me….no I know its me…
I believe that great outcomes will happen for others including my enemies…but I struggle with believing that for me because I base it off my work ethic and fighting the brainwashed of constantly being told that I would never make it..but I’m learning I need to believe..
A.C.T. , do you doubt God? ( universe) no…I know he is going to work it out for others…that he will do the small simple things for me as he as always done…its the miraculous and supernatural, the blowing of my mind….that I would like to see for me……because I know he will do it for others…its just me I want to see him do it for….
Not due to no one else will …but because its the only way anything will happen…
I have NOT met a person that can help me even close to how much I help myself or have helped other people…
And I’m almost certain that I never will….